I have to say, while traveling you meet people of all walks of life in hostels. Sometimes the incredibly interesting (the Iraqi gentleman who helped teach me cricket in a bar in Sydney), the immediately awesome (Ben + Alyssa in Siena, Sergio in Interlaken), the oddly anti-social (I am looking at you French guy in Christchurch), the freakishly smart (18 year old British girl in Paihia, New Zealand), the well traveled (Lance from Toronto), or even the people who just live in the hostel (the always missing Chinese man in Sydney).
There is a huge list of types I've met, but lately I've been running into more and more of one type.
Americans.
And not cool Americans like Ben, Alyssa and Sergio. Especially in Prague, it was filled with the worst of the worst in American stereotypes abroad. Running into Americans is typically a blast because you immediately have a connection and a sense of comfort even if they seem crazy and violent ("whoa...what's with the knife?! Oh, you're American? Cool...what part?"). Not that the sort of thing has happened to me, I'm just saying they are easier for me to connect to immediately.
But every once in a while you run into those cliches and stuffy jerk faces that you run into anywhere in the US, and it makes you just want to die. Mostly because what they say. Thankfully, I have been cataloguing quotes from them in my head, so I can share my misery with you!
- "That was a good story man. You're a good storyteller. Typically I walk into a room and I take over a room with my storytelling - because I'm a writer - but you aren't bad." ~ Ridiculous guy in his 30's from Seattle who constantly dropped F-bombs and clearly thought he was the bees knees - I can only assume that wasn't Facebook he was on but his manuscript for the next great American novel.
- "I'm an alcoholic, and proud to be. I went to AA once, but that place is gay and not for me." ~ 20 year old guy from San Francisco (he will return)
- "Traveling isn't hard for me, mostly because I've been homeless for the last four years." ~ Another WTF gem from San Fran
- "I make $125,000 a year selling medicinal marijuana. I got the license for it when I was 12 because my grandma had cancer. That was good for my growing business." ~ Perhaps the crown jewel of San Fran's list (and there could be many, many more)
- "I don't own a TV. Don't get me wrong, I love Arrested Development and things like that, but why should I own a TV? It's just wrong to own a TV." ~ From my Prague nemesis who was from Colorado (I am assuming by way of Portland). He also had a tattoo of lips on his neck, as if he is a white hipster Kenyon Martin.
- "If I didn't have to book hostels, I would never be on the internet." ~ Prague nemesis who happened to be wearing a Threadless shirt (no TV and no internet? Who are you kidding at this point?)
- "Breathing is bad for the environment because of my own CO2 emissions. I don't do it because it isn't green." ~ From the Prague nemesis (okay, that one was made up, but it made sense)
- "I travel for a living. It's just good for the soul." - Pranemesis, and I wish that one was made up. Note: he also had been traveling for three weeks and he only had a week left. So evidently he likes unemployment.
- "Traveling has been so awesome. So many good pub crawls, so many good nights out. I don't remember a lot of them, but man, I will never forget them." ~ Maybe Pranemesis' top one, but a sentiment echoed by a lot of travelers. I can only assume he was drunk when he said that...at breakfast.
- "I have no idea why so many people go to Paris or Berlin. You know what is great? Krakow. Great pub crawls." ~ Pranemesis, trying to kill me with his indie sentiments of traveling. Accusations of cities being too mainstream are mind benders to me.
Those are some of my favorites. People watching has become people listening, because even if I am not in a conversation I try to listen in because you never know who is going to drop the next ridiculous truth bomb (because the only person more nuts and frustrating than Pranemesis is probably Charlie Sheen).
Lately, some of these people have made me openly wonder about myself...is it possible that I am the weird one? Should I be, in the immortal words of Max Fischer, trying harder to get drunk and score chicks?
I like to think not. As his dad - Bert - says in response, he's just married to the sea.
I guess I've been out to sea for a long time now, and I don't understand how people on land work anymore.
Music of the day: The Faces - "Oo La La"
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