Only the Lonely

Note: Another two article day. Check the other one below...if you DARE!

This conversation recently happened between myself and two Tokyo hostel roommates from Singapore (Jasper and...well, Not Jasper).

Jasper: Are you traveling by yourself?
Me: Yeah.
Not Jasper: Don't you get lonely?
Me: Not really. Sometimes I guess, but not really.

I have quickly realized during my travels that solo traveling is a bit of a rarity. I had a discussion with someone about it, as they suggested that people my age and below cannot be alone. It is just the way we are built. I'm not sure if it is because of the internet (likely) and the increasingly small world we live in, but for some reason everyone needs a lifeline while traveling, and they need that person to be with them at all times.

It isn't just traveling though. I know people who have difficulty eating by themselves, people who won't go to movies by themselves, any number of things.

I can tell you for a fact that I would barely do anything if I didn't do things by myself.

Doing things by myself just isn't a problem really. Whether it is scarfing a breakfast burrito at Middle Way Cafe, catching "Moon" at the artist formerly known as Fireweed Theaters or traveling  the world, it just doesn't seem that big of a deal to be by myself.

Jasper and Not Jasper on the other hand seemed completely bewildered by this, as have many other people I've met (always in groups). I've met paired travelers, three packs, four packs, and even a group of seven dudes in Thailand (who were there to partake in the local offerings). Every one of them gives me the type of look your dog gives you when you do something strange. A slight turn of the head and a quizzical face.

"This human is strange."

I met a girl in Wanaka, New Zealand who was absolutely beside herself because she was by herself. She was originally from (symmetry alert!) Singapore and was traveling in NZ for the first time by herself. Previously she had went with a boyfriend, but now she was a shell of a human being thanks to her solitude. I met her through another solo traveler named Cathia (38!) who had to take care of her like she was a baby bird (I can neither confirm nor deny that Cathia had to feed her).

To me, out of all of the things I do by myself, traveling is the most necessary to be solo. Obviously meals, coffees and movies are going to be more enjoyable as a community experience.

However, traveling by yourself means you have all kinds of flexibility. Let's try this with a series of questions and the answers that you get if you are by yourself or if you are with another person.

What time to wake up?

By myself: Whenever I feel like it! The world is my oyster!
Buddy system: "Hey, let's get an early start because I heard this place was awesome and we can only get there if we get there at 1:00 AM. What's that? It's 3 AM. WE GOTTA GO!"

What to do today?

By myself: Whatever I feel like! I'm not going to wear pants and ride a scooter around!
Buddy system: Prostitutes, based off the aforementioned British septuplets I met in Thailand.

What should we eat?

By myself: Based off the meal I had last night with old friend Amanda Dale, I think it is safe to say I will eat anything.
Buddy system: "I won't eat seafood. Or green things. Or things that have a face. Actually, I'm a level five vegan. I won't eat anything that casts a shadow."

You get the point. In the world of the solo traveler, there are no restrictions. In one where you have to share your time, you are constrained by the mere fact you have to please someone else.

To which readers will likely think "well, that sounds kind of lonely. What's the point of experiences if they can't be shared?"

Endearing sentiments, assuredly. But here is the thing - there is no reason I can't share experiences with others. Why can't I hang out for a period of time with people when I feel super social (see: Paris 2009 with my Canadian friends)? I can hang out with people. I can hang out with myself. I can do both. I can do whatever! I've discovered that the recipe that seems to work the best for me tends to be solo days and social nights. It makes the most sense, truthfully. Do what I want during the day, then grab a bite or drinks with others in my hostel. While that isn't the case every night, it works enough that I never really feel lonely.

Granted, Japan has been a bit on the lonely side. You know when you get interviewed by Tokyo news about the downturn in visiting foreigners (yes, this happened) that the amount of people to hang out with has dropped considerably. But even with that, I meet enough people and the experiences here are so rich I haven't really felt that bad about it. Hell, it removes any guilt I may have when I sit in my room and read comics on my iPad instead of socializing (thanks to Boom! Studios, Top shelf and Image Comics for their sweet, sweet digital review copies!).

So basically, my point is this: people are too reliant on others. You can enjoy yourself with yourself. You can enjoy yourself with others. There is no rule that being by yourself is a bad thing. It's just a different thing. Embrace it and go out and have the best time you can. And for gods sake people, don't knock it 'til you try it. Grab an Anchorage Press and eat that Avocado Melt. Find out what it feels like to pay attention fully to a gripping drama. Get out there and travel and don't worry about those happy duos you see. That could be you later. Or it could not be. Doesn't matter - it's your choice. They can't make that choice without looking like a jerk...so you're the big winner here.

To close, and to further shut down Jasper and Not Jasper, I have this later conversation that happened in our room. This is mostly because it is funny and partially because I wanted to share that their points aren't necessarily the most salient. It also involves our very gay roommate Ken.

Ken: I'm going to a party down at Tokyo Harbour.
Jasper/Not Jasper (excitedly): That sounds fun. We were going to go to Roppongi (a super sketch area of Tokyo with a lot of clubs) but maybe we can come with.
Ken: Not sure if you'd like that. It's gay night...so, that might not be fun for you guys.
Jasper/Not Jasper: Oh, okay. Thanks though.

Ten minutes later.

Not Jasper: Hey David.
Me: What's up, _____?
Not Jasper: Is it gay night in EVERY bar?
Me (bewildered but hiding it except a laugh): Somehow I doubt it. I feel like it would be pretty bad for business if every bar in Tokyo on a Saturday night was having gay night. But I could be wrong.
Jasper: That makes sense.

And yes, I was sitting in bed reading comics when this all went down. Suck it, Singapore!